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Besides hunting, jokes are hunters
most favorite pass time.
Here is an Area where we can tell jokes
for our next around the camp Time.
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How To Prepare Venison..
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A waiter asks a man, “May I take your order, sir?”
“Yes,” the man replies. “I’m just wondering, exactly how do you
prepare your venison?”
Ya' mean Deer, 'nothing special, sir. We just tell them straight out
that they’re going to die.” |
Deer Hunting
Two hunters were dragging their dead deer
back to their car. Another hunter approached pulling his along too.
"Hey, I don't want to tell you how to do something ... but I can tell you that
it's much easier if you drag the deer in the other direction. Then the antlers
won't dig into the ground."
After the third hunter left, the two decided to try it.
A little while later one hunter said to the other, "You know, that guy was
right. This is a lot easier!"
"Yeah, but we're getting farther from the truck," the other added.
ed.
This was sent to us by one of our hunters
...good photo!
Working With The FBI
The phone rings at FBI headquarters.
"Hello?"
"Hello, is this the FBI?"
"Yes. What do you want?"
"I'm calling to report my neighbor Adrian Thibodeaux! He is
hiding marijuana inside his firewood."
"Thank you very much for the call, sir."
The next day, the FBI agents descend on Thibodeaux's house. They
search the shed where the firewood is kept. Using axes, they bust
open every piece of wood, but find no marijuana. They swear at
Thibodeaux and leave.
The phone rings at Thibodeaux's house.
"Hey, Adrian! Did the FBI come?"
"Yeah!"
"Did they chop your firewood?"
"Yep"
"Great, now it's your turn to call. I need my garden plowed."
Baby bear wants to live somewhere else
The three bears had been having some trouble recently
and had ended up in family court. Mama and Papa bear were splitting up, and baby
bear had to decide who he was going to live with.
So, the judge wanted to talk to baby bear to see what he thought about living
with either of his parents. When he asked baby bear about living with his
father, baby bear said "No, I can't live with Papa bear, he beats me terribly."
"OK," said the judge, "then you want to live with your mother, right?"
"No way!" replied baby bear, "She beats me worse than Papa bear does."
The judge was a bit confused by this, and didn't quite know what to do. "Well,
you have to live with someone, so is there any relatives you would like to stay
with?" asked the judge.
"Yes," answered baby bear, "my aunt Bertha bear who lives in Chicago."
"You're sure she will treat you well and won't beat you?" asked the judge.
"Oh definitely," said baby bear, "the Chicago Bears don't beat anybody."
I'm sending out some cards
A guy walks into a post office one day to see a
middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing "Love"
stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. He then takes out a
perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them.
His curiosity getting the better of him, he goes up to the balding man and asks
him what he is doing. The man says, "I'm sending out one thousand Valentine
cards signed, 'Guess who?'"
"But why?" asks the man.
"I'm a divorce lawyer," the man replies.
Hunting ..........
A hunter visited another hunter and was given a tour of
his home. In the den was a stuffed lion. The visiting hunter asked, "when did
you bag him?"
The host said, "that was three years ago, when I went hunting with my wife and
Mother-n-Law."
"What's he stuffed with," asked the visiting hunter.
"My Mother-n-law."
I marked the spot
Two friends rented a boat and fished in a lake every
day. One day they caught 30 fish. One guy said to his friend,
"Mark this spot so that we can come back here again tomorrow."
The next day, when they were driving to rent the boat, the same guy asked his
friend, "Did you mark that spot?"
His friend replied, "Yeah, I put a big 'X' on the bottom of the boat."
The first one said, "You stupid fool! What if we don't get that same boat
today!?!?"
There was this fellow who worked in a post office whose
job it was to process all mail that had illegible addresses. One day a letter
came to his desk, addressed in a shaky handwriting to God. He thought, "Oh boy,
better open this one and see what it's all about." So he opened it and read;
"Dear God, I am an 83 year old widow living on a very small pension. Yesterday
someone stole my purse. It had a hundred dollars in it which was all the money I
had until my next pension check. Next Sunday is Easter, and I had invited two of
my friends over for dinner. Without that one hundred dollars, I have nothing to
buy food with. I have no family to turn to, and you are my only hope. Can you
please help me?"
The postal worker was touched, and went around showing the letter to all the
others. Each of them dug into his wallet and came up with a few dollars. By the
time he made the rounds, he had collected 96 dollars, which they put into an
envelope and sent over to her. The rest of the day, all the workers felt a warm
glow thinking of the nice thing they had done.
Easter came and went, and a few days later came another letter from the old lady
to God. All the workers gathered around while the letter was opened. It read,
"Dear God, How can I ever thank you enough for what you did for me? Because of
your generosity, I was able to fix a lovely dinner for my friends. We had a very
nice day, and I told my friends of your wonderful gift. By the way, there was 4
dollars missing. It was probably those thieves at the post office."
The Lone Ranger and Tonto went camping in the desert.
After they got their tent all set up, both men fell sound asleep.
Some hours later, Tonto wakes the Lone Ranger and says,
"Kemo Sabe, look towards sky, what you see?"
The Lone Ranger replies, "I see millions of stars."
What that tell you?" asked Tonto. The Lone Ranger ponders for a minute then
says, "Astronomically speaking, it tells me there are millions of galaxies and
potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in
Leo. Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three in the
morning. Theologically, it's evident the Lord is all-powerful and we are small
and insignificant. Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day
tomorrow. What's it tell you, Tonto?"
Tonto is silent for a moment, then says, "Kemo Sabe,
you dumber then buffalo shit. Someone has stolen tent."
Letters to the School Nurse:
These are real notes written from parents in a
Mississippi School District. (Spellings have been left intact.)
My son is under a doctor's care and should not take P.E.
today. Please execute him.
Please excuse Lisa for being absent. She was sick and I
had her shot.
Dear School: Please ekscuse John being absent on Jan.
28, 29, 30, 31, 32, and also 33
Please excuse Roland from P.E. for a few days. Yesterday
he fell out of a tree and misplaced his hip.
John has been absent because he had two teeth taken out
of his face.
Chris will not be in school cus he has an acre in his
side.
Please excuse Jimmy for being. It was his father's
fault.
I kept Billie home because she had to go Christmas
shopping because I don't know what size she wear.
Please excuse Jennifer for missing school yesterday. We
forgot to get the Sunday paper off the porch, and when we found it Monday, we
thought it was Sunday.
Maryann was absent December 11-16, because she had a
fever, sore throat, headache and upset stomach. Her sister was also sick,
fever and sore throat, her brother had a low grade fever and ached all over. I
wasn't the best either, sore throat and fever. There must be something going
around, her father even got hot last night.
One
Monday morning a UPS man is walking the neighborhood on his usual
route. As he approaches one of the homes he noticed that both cars were
in the driveway. His walk was cut short by Bob, the homeowner, coming
out with a load of empty beer and liquor bottles.
"Wow Bob, looks like you guys had one hell of a party last night." the
UPS man comments.
Bob, in obvious pain replies, "Actually we had it Saturday night. This
is the first I have felt like moving since 4:00 Sunday morning. We had
about fifteen couples from around the neighborhood over for Christmas
Cheer and it got a bit wild. Hell, we got so drunk around midnight that
we started playing WHO AM I."
The UPS man thinks a moment and says, "How do you play that?"
"Well, all the guys go in the bedroom and we come out one at a time with
a sheet covering us and only our privates showing through a hole in the
sheet. Then the women try to guess who it is."
The UPS man laughs and says, "Damn, I'm sorry I missed that."
"Probably a good thing you did," Bob responds. "Your name came up four
or five times."
v
A man came
home from work, sat down in his favorite chair,
turned on the
TV, and said to his wife, "Quick, bring me a beer
She looked a
little puzzled, but brought him a beer. When
he finished
it, he said, "Quick, bring me another beer. It's gonna
This time she
looked a little angry, but brought him a beer. When it
was gone, he
said, "Quick, another beer before it starts."
"That's it!"
She blows her top, "You bastard! You waltz in here,
flop your fat
ass down, don't even say hello to me and then expect
me to run
around like your slave. Don't you realize that I cook and
clean and wash
and iron all day long?"
The husband
sighed. "Oh shit, it's started."
Are you a Democrat, Republican or Southern
Republican
>
> Here is a little test that will help you decide.
>
> Question: How do you tell the difference between
> Democrats, Republicans And Southern Republicans?
>
> The answer can be found by posing the following
> question:
>
> You're walking down a deserted street with your wife
> &nb! sp; and two small children. Suddenly, an Islamic Terrorist
> with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes
> with you, screams obscenities, praises Allah, raises
> the knife, and charges at you. You are
> carrying a Glock cal .40, and you are an expert shot.
> You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your
> family.
>
> What do you do?
>
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
> Democrat's Answer:
>
> Well, that's not enough information to answer the
> question!
>
> Does the man look poor! Or oppressed?
>
> Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire
> him to attack?
>
> Could we run away?
>
> What does my wife think?
>
> What about the kids?
>
> Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock
> the knife out of his hand?
>
> What does the law say about this situation?
>
> Does the Glock have appropriate safety built into it?
>
> Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind
> of message does this send to society and to my
> children?
>
> Is it possible he'd be happy with just killing me?
>
> Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be
> content just to wound me?
>
> If I were to grab his knees and hold on, could my
> family get away while he was stabbing me?
>
> Should I call 9-1-1?
>
> Why is this street so deserted?
>
> We need to raise taxes, have ! a paint and weed day
> and make this happier, healthier street that would
> discourage such behavior.
>
> This is all so confusing! I need to debate this with
> some friends for few days and try to come to a
> consensus.
>
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> Republican's Answer:
>
> BANG!
>
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
> Southern Republican's Answer:
>
> BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!
> BANG! click.....(sounds of reloading).
>
> BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!
> BANG! click
>
> Daughter: "Nice grouping, Daddy! Were those the
> Winchester Silver Tips or Hollow Points?" |
